M was also the very first person I ever met who also had my weirdo form of breast cancer. A mutual friend connected us after my diagnosis. Like myself she was diagnosed with Stage 4 with a small lesion in her bones. M was to be a source of practical information as well as source of inspiration because she was disease free after undergoing the same general treatment plan I was about to undertake.
Sadly, she found out just two months later the cancer was spreading in her bones and it was becoming painful as well as scary. We exchanged messages about our chemotherapies and fears. Then a few spots appeared in her liver in December. Last time I heard from her, she shared had been enjoying some good evenings despite the pain and fatigue. Fifteen days later, she is gone.
Just like that.
I'm familiar with the most often path this disease takes. It's highly unlikely that I'll be giving Betty White a run for her money in the Spunky Old Lady category. The path this disease at Stage 4 most often lasts about three years from diagnosis. But not always. My reasonable prayer that I live, either NED or various treatments, long enough to see my now late teens children out of my nest and settled in their own nests. It has indeed happened!
Yet, I was still totally caught off guard by M's passing, even though she followed that most likely path. I found myself crying for her, for her children… and for me and my children as I imagined 2 years into the future.
Then I took a deep breath and looked out the window at the very prettily falling snow. I focus on today. Today, I'm actually feeling much better than I did two weeks ago, right after my mastectomy. Heck, I'm now able to give again a two armed hug. And in about 20 minutes my kids will be home so I can take advantage of that regained ability.
As the fear and sadness continue to ease out, my father happened to call. I shared with him what had happened and how I was feeling. He reminded me of the faith I used to comfort him with when I was a little girl: God has a way of making sure things work out just right. Kids walked in and poof, I was good again.
Just like that.
Holli -- So sorry to learn about the loss of your support comrade. You have a positive outlook, which will help. Just remember that each person's path is different. There's a little girl here with the same thing as Nica, including PLE, who has surpassed expectations and just celebrated her fifth birthday -- anything is possible. There are many people in your life -- those physically present around you and those present in a more virtual manner -- who continuously pray for you, think about you, hold you in the light, and pull for you so that your path is what you need and desire.
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