Lesson Learned: No More Dr.Google

Unless a body part is dangling or blood gushing, I have never called my doctor first for any ache or pain. My first move is to try a home remedy that I find online for a day or two. More often than not, that saved time and money for any ache or pain I had.

Last week, Dr. Google provided treatment ideas for the "it-hurts-so-badly-because-slept-on-my-neck-wrong-made-worse-by-coughing-and-sneezing-from-a-cold" but when on day three it turned into what I thought was a "and-now-there-is-some-sort-of-sinus-infection-since-there-fever-and-swelling" thing, I knew I needed to call the real thing. He wanted me in his office immediately. Turned out, Dr. Google had misdiagnosed me. It was a blood clot and infection, which is potentially life threatening.

Just like the start of this saga back in late June, I was clueless as to the depth of the problem thanks to Internet Medicine…and likely denial.  I expected he'd just give me prescription then I'd be on my way. Instead, I was escorted by one of his nurses to the ER, conveniently located within walking distance. After a flurry of tests, learned that a clot had formed around my Mediport tube thingy. It was painfully inflamed and that clot moving at that size would be a Very Bad Thing.

For the pain, they gave me morphine which worked but quickly but felt so uncomfortably weird. Why any one would use it for recreation baffles me. When it hits it's not a pleasant euphoria, it's disconcerting. But it did end the pain so I am glad it is available should it be needed.

Also, I was put on blood thinner (to decrease chance of my blood flow moving that clot) via a shot in the tummy (which feels bee sting) and antibiotics, scoring myself a three day stint in what I like to call "Club Med-Inova", for a second time. The reason for being there sucks, but the actual time there doesn't, primarily because of the nursing team.  Inova is a physically comfortable facility plus I adore and trust my doctor.  However, it is the nursing team providing the bulk of care and support and these are wonderful people.  They all come together making what could be a scary time comfortable as possible. I'm convinced that everyone drawn to hospital care has a special empathy gene, especially the nurses.

Given my hospital experience is limited, I really found myself wondering about what it's like in the various departments from a nurse's point of view. My main day nurse had an interesting observation about oncology department in particular.  Often those with cancer who end up in her care have a sense of peace that just isn't there in, say the heart/cardio patients. (My theory on that difference is often people with heart/cardio problems are challenged when it comes to handling stress, which is made worse in a hospital setting.) But even more remarkable to her is that that peace also comes with appreciation for even the smallest acts of service and kindness. Dying patients, who you'd think would be the most impatient given the ticking clock, are often the most patient and grateful.

Even only nine weeks into treatment, this makes sense to me. Now, I still have my bouts of fear and sadness, but more often, I'm just grateful. I've made peace with my somewhat uncertain prognosis, too. We are all going to die. My being aware of potentially how and that my life may be shorter than I thought has opened my eyes to remembering each day has its small joys and potentially great joys if I'm in a place of gratitude. Scared, sad or angry feelings make joy impossible to feel.

Being thankful reminds me: Friends who have worried that my thank you notes for their kindnesses are a chore to me. Far from it,  I actually choose to do them during my chemotherapy for it puts me in the proper mindset. One that is of gratitude rather than discomfort or resentment.

So let's wrap this up with those interested in an update on the treatment plan details… Chemotherapy, will commence again on September 10th. Between the clot (and treatment), infection and super low white blood cell count, it's better to wait. My Mediport is unusable now but they're waiting for the safest time to remove as the tubing is also holding in place that a clot. So they're going to install the day before a PICC line into my left arm. Hopefully it won't have the same clotting/infection issue but the plan is for it to come out after my last scheduled chemo on September 24th.

Sometime late October should be the mastectomy. The waiting a month is to give my immune system a chance to recover from chemo so that it will be able to aid the healing of surgery. But the decision may be made for me to undergo one more cycle of chemo (mine is a 3 week one).

In the meantime and moving forward, if something hurts:  Call the doctor… call the doctor… call the doctor!