Dr R had pulled some strings to get me in last minute on a holiday week no less to get my Mediport placed because he wanted no delay in getting the chemo started as the cancer had spread to some bone marrow in one my vertebra.
I ended up in the Heart and Pulmonary Unit for the procedure. Because my first Hammer Chemo treatment would immediately be following my surgery, he wanted me me to have it done in a room on the Oncology Unit at the hospital adjacent to his office. That way I'd have around the clock care that night.
Quickly I was settled in my room on the oncology floor, in this awesome bed with all sorts of bells and whistles. Then, I got wheeled down in that thing to the other department for my procedure, Cleopatra style. I had to do a few royal waves. Couldn't help myself.
Unfortunately for me and the gentleman behind the curtain next to me, but fortunately for the emergency patients who needed immediate attention, we got bumped a few times from our time slots. I was down there a good two hours with no distraction of any kind as had left my family, books and iPhone up in the room. And that's when I started to get scared and sad. Some of if fearing if the procedure was going to hurt but what brought the tears was the old "I don't want to leave my children motherless." Tears starting flowing despite my not wanting do that in front of strangers...
But an interesting thing happened. I caught my breath and of all people, felt my departed, maternal grandmother "there." Not like a ghost or anything like that. Just the part of her that I carry in me, if that makes sense. She was a no nonsense but very loving woman. In my mind, she was telling me she's there with me. This is is hard and scary but the wallowing needs to stop now. Tears dried up, chest pain stopped, peace descended on me.
Then I overheard the guy next to getting more and more irate that his procedure was getting delayed. He was getting rude to the nurses. It just wasn't sinking in to him that he was being inconvenienced because someone else's life needed to be saved! I'm a pretty polite person by nature but it hit me that in this process where in many ways that I have zero control… I can control how I treat the people around me helping me. Make sure they know I appreciate it and when sometimes I'm inconvenienced, it doesn't change my gratitude towards them.
So between Grammy and that realization, rest of my time at the hospital kinda rocked. The 4 plus hour chemo went very well. In fact, it began with an hour long high thanks to the mega dose of Benadryl. (Sorry for all the weird voicemails and emails to certain people sent that time!) My nurse is a breast cancer survivor so between rounds of the various treatments she'd be sharing all sorts of helpful tips. The nurse who took over, her husband survived colon cancer. And of course, Dr. R's visits had such a calming affect. My crush is still there!
Even when I had to wait longer to leave because of another issue with my incision the next day. It allowed me to meet with the visiting chaplain who made the rounds as well as a pair of Breast Cancer Counselors who were also making the rounds that day! Both inspiring and full of more practical/useful information. Food wasn't too bad either.
The nausea side effects are minimal this first round, not sure if it is due to all the medication prescribed for it or just because it is the first time. I got super tired last night but eyes popped open at 4am but did as doctor suggested, took a sleeping pill as sleep is key. I feel kinda weird at times but overall nothing beyond just feeling uncomfortable.
I will say the out pouring of love and support is really what is behind the successful launch of "Save Holli's Ass From Cancer, LLC". Can't get over just how many blessings I have going into this. Mind blowing.
Many great friends and caretakers (and inner peace) to be found in a hospital Thanks for sharing
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